Rumors spread from the lips of one human to another can be rather interesting if they turn out to be unexpectedly true. When they’re not – and you hoped they would be, the feeling of disappointment takes me back to when my sister shamelessly ripped off the beard of Santa in front of my 9 year-old sore eyes. Just like when the news claimed a lion had broken loose in Essex, and it turned out to be a cat. What douche can’t tell the difference between a giant jungle cat and fluff-ball with eyes like the moon. I sometimes speak louder to blind people, but I’m pretty sure if Simba and Puss in Boots stood next to each other I’d be quite successful in singing ‘Hakuna Matata’ to the right one.
This week I gained possible intellect when a heard a particular rumor. It was one of them rumors that instantly puts your mind in a glorious wondering play. Not one of those, ‘Lady Gaga has got a dick’ or ‘Loch Ness has been found’ on-going rumors that keeps coming back like herpes stapled to a boomerang thrown by Steve Irwin. (Double-effect. Boom.)
No, it was one of them rumors you actually desire to be true. So here it is – Bananas help you hold your pee. Who would have ever known?! So that is my next project now. I will simply drink oceans until I feel an uncomfortable urge to let the water works run – then forcefully prison my pee while awkwardly eating a banana, and letting it digest in my cave of a stomach. We should all add a loaded banana to our bags and pockets – let’s be honest, we all hate when we get stuck in a situation where there’s nowhere to pee. Bring it to weddings, the cinema, lectures with no breaks; even strap it to your bikini when swimming. Extremely useful!
Try it for yourself.