The genes of my family have proven to create extremely pale-skinned human beings. Life of a no-sun-tan individual has its advantages such as… That’s right, nothing. Even a taco shell achieves a higher bronze level in the sun than I do. Other than tanning like a lobster 2 minutes before the egg clock rings, the second unfavorable position pale genes puts me through, is the fact that I bruise like a peach left in a college room during a drowsy hour. (I imagine a peach left with college student tends to have a soggy formation leading them to bruise to a more extreme effect). In a reckless boozing adventure last Thursday, I slipped off the couch where I was busting ‘4 cocktails and 2 beers moves’. In the tragic attempt to slide down off the couch graciously, I smacked down, knees first to the floor. Like a boss.
The day after I found the evidence of my clumsy crime; my knees had transformed to bruise galore. It’s not like I fell down from Mount Everest, it was only a standard leather couch. Still, the state of my pale knees looked like a catastrophic fail of a ghosts attempt to tattoo the ocean on itself. Blue as f’ck they were. On the second day my bruises were in an even worse condition, it felt as Fat Joe had done a gig on my knee shells. While feeling sorry for myself I looked at my knees and wondered; how come bruises are blue, purple and yellow? What is it in the skin tissue that caused my knees to look like the knees of pornstar after a 14 hour shift? Are bruises just for humans or would a fish for example leave a colorful bruise if you punched it? Or can a duck bruise its beak by smashing it into another ducks beak? Cause if I can get a bruise under my nail, do the color of bruises have anything to do with my skin? I just don’t get it.