What would a caveman do?

As an experienced daydreamer, I consume and produce lots of incredible day life events and questions that stick to my brain like a salamander in heat. There are times, though, where obvious knowledge doesn’t apply to where the act of ticking my box of obviousness doings does. I’ve been captured in cheeky situations, where my glorious brain sensations smear impulsive-dust over whatever triggered my confusion at that moment. Just like an unwary octopus defending itself with ink (= my brains impulsive dust) surprise-attacked by the spur-of-the-moment burst of a fish-fart-bubble. So when I was asked to cook Super Noodles the other week, a quick stream of previous noodle cooking moments got a good smear of impulsive-dust, and I intended to cook them just like Cup Noodles. In the act of doing so, a handsome man with a wooden spoon ran towards me with speed leaving dust like an Iron Man take-off. Apparently I was supposed to use this wooden spoon to stir the noodles in a bowl with hot water, until all water was out of sight. I didn’t consider the option of cooking them that way. Do I really have to start reading manuals? Sneaky manuals.

What about the things that doesn’t come with a manual though? My brain produced impulsive dust and I have agreed on one rule when it comes to situations like this. I call that rule WWACD. What would a caveman do? When I came up with this rule I knew that it had to be something simple and unwary of manuals. As fish seemed more complex with all their “air? Screw air, gills and water is the shit”, I decided on the cavemen. So when my air mattress came without a pump (who, okayed that idiotic idea) with an impulsive move, I picked up the first tool I had in mind. Blow dryer! A slight melted air hole and an aroma of burned rubber later, I had successfully pumped up my air mattress without a pump! Winning.

I turn to the WWACD technique every time I pick up those overly annoying Heinz Ketchup glass bottles of a restaurant table as well. The inventor of this legendary ketchup bottle must have thought; “Muhah, I will make the whole world an underhuman – and dumber by giving them this irresistible good looking non-squeezable bottle”! The amount of times I have witnessed poor ketchup famished guests being tortured under the power of Mr. Heinz’s glass bottle. This is what they do to the bottle: 1) stoke it like a furry cat. 2) Put the lit back on and turn it upside down while making a wish for the ketchup to slide out like a drunken vomit-supreme. 3) Start shaking it. 4) Now shaking it furiously 5) Flick the bottle in the air to look in the hole, no longer caring about ketchup inflations in eye. Well, they are not going to find the manual in there. Again, WWACD! – Tool! Find the nearest tool! Punish that bottle-condensed air with your knife while growling (this action has a better WWACD effect with just growls – no words). Now, ketchup is served. And for future references when confused about the need for a manual, just think;  what would a caveman do?

When I wrote “a handsome man with a wooden spoon ran towards me” I thought of this random clip. Please enjoy!

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