How to surprise yourself

I have had the pleasure of a with-born unfortunate quirky balanced and insufficient interaction of movement. My co-ordination is as unbelievable as a shark swimming backwards. I like to think of it as if you splattered your breath on a spoon and stuck it in-between a hammer-head sharks eyes in close distance. It totally wouldn’t see that coming as I just don’t see things coming. You would think it would be hard to get through the day after uncontrollable escapades of dropping stuff, slamming in to everything that moves against my groove – or in fact things that doesn’t move at all. Therefore, I have been acquainted with methods to make the small things in life rule a bigger part to erase some of the awful clumsy moments. Just like having a serious nowhere-going conversation and as a squirrel suddenly pops up, you both point and shout “Squirrel!!!” enthusiastically. = a fun mood change! The squirrels’ doesn’t even know how much their presence enlightens humans. My glorious methods for getting through a crummy day are to secretly surprise myself! (It’s the little moments in life that counts). I like to set my alarm an hour or two earlier than my actual planned awakening. I wake up with the alarm buzzing ready to yell horrible evil things to it (it is okay if you talk to your alarm like it is a person too), but then I notice I have another luxury hour to unconsciously sound like Darth Vader, while tugging in to duvet paradise. Works every time!

I like to keep my room above average messy as well, so when I take action in cleaning, I find random stuff I though I had lost. A winner is always my £2 headphones, and random post it notes I have punished my wall with. A recent “buy bearded lady beard” post-it made me happy. A good way to surprise yourself as well is to hide non-eatable stuff in your freezer. So when you have mouth-punched several Tesco’s value pizzas and Ben & Jerry’s you’ll be like surprised how happy you are to find whatever you have planted there, because it’s silly to find stuff in a freezer. A clever, but dangerous move to surprise yourself is to buy random stuff on Ebay when intoxicated, and three days later – anything could creek our from that hole in your door.

I had a private laugh attack the other day. Someone had put eyes on a mailbox, and my eye luckily caught it (like a hawk). I’m gonna start doing that. Stick eyes on random stuff. Hilarious. That made my day.