I recently had the exquisite pleasure of travelling on an airplane, as I had to go back home for the festive Christmas season. I usually find this sort of transportation joyful, so I was expecting a hoot of a ride. Obviously – walking in my shoes, theres is a 89% chance that I would supposedly stumble in to something unexpected. This act of predicament happened before I even set foot the plane, and then again while flying. This triggered a sort of epiphany that reminded me of all the annoying random things people do on this cloud stabbing machine. A sudden vicious frustration sizzled upon me as well, because im always the one winning the seat next to these randomers.
1) As my sight of infortunateness had predicted, I didn’t succeed in squeezing my suitcase down Ryan Air’s carry-on- restriction-size-cage. I was told to make it fit, or they would take off without me. (Little harsh, thinking it’s Christmas and all). I’m no wizard, but at that moment I could sure see the advantage of carrying a wand and a magic ‘resize’ spell. I simply couldn’t think of anything else than wearing all thick clothing I’d packed, and finally after my suitcase plunged in the cage I was allowed on the plane. Two seconds after sitting down I obviously started sweating horridly as I was wearing what seemed like the fur of three bears. After take off, the kid next to me pukes everywhere. There I was. Cooking up in three sweaters slowly choking from the funky puke smell.
2) This is not the only time I’ve been exposed for annoying kids on airplanes. Another time, I placed my self at a nice window seat in front of an Indian family. Turns out, the Indian boy is handicapped! He was determined to furiously wiggle, no not wiggle, dislocate my seat while making weird snorting sounds until we landed. My seat twisted like a bunny orgie in their sexiest month ever. I looked back at the mother with my eyes begging “make him stop, unleash me from this nightmare”! She shook her shoulders and looked at her son like he was something sweet that should be sliding on a rainbow. I found this situation annoyingly random. I couldnt really burst out with anger because it would look like I was rude to the handicapped Indian boy.
3) Getting stuck in a row with an overly obese person is something I can cross off my list as well. This man looked so uncomfortable and tense that me made me all nervous. He ended up looking as anxious as the next lobster in the aquarium to get eaten, that I, in my state of fear was considering just to yell “Kill it before it lays eggs”!, and sit in the toilet for the rest of the flight.
4) Theres always like five people with no sense of peeing structure on airplanes as well. These people never sit in the same row, oh no. So all the sleeping you were planning on doing is more like snoozing because you have to wake up every time they feel like a tinkle.
5) Then there are the people complaining that they can’t hear the pilot (I don’t think anyone can, really), so they choose to express their confusion like oral diarrhea, which leaves the rest of the passengers even more confused.
6) At last there’s the randomly annoying people who wasnt lucky enough to get a window seat, then scooches over and awkwardly presses against you to get a little piece of the action.
I do hope my next flight doesn’t include any of these above. Silly random passengers.